HELPING CHILDREN HEAL: WHY THERAPY SHOULD BE PART OF DIVORCE PROCESSES

At Gittins Attorneys, we understand that divorce is one of life’s most difficult transitions. It does not only affect the couple - it reshapes an entire family. Too often, however, the silent sufferers are the children. While the law addresses the division of assets, residence, care and contact, and maintenance, children live through the emotional storm day by day. Without proper support, they may carry invisible scars into adulthood.

One of the most effective ways to protect children’s wellbeing during and after divorce is therapy.

The Hidden Effects of Divorce on Children

Research shows that children whose parents separate face heightened risks of:

• Emotional distress with feelings of sadness, guilt, anxiety, or anger. Many wrongly believe the divorce is their fault;

• Behavioural challenges by acting out, withdrawing, or struggling with peers;

• Academic difficulties;

• Higher chances of depression and anxiety later in life;

• Feelings of pressure to “choose sides” or fearing their love for one parent will hurt the other; and

• Difficulties committing to stable relationships as adults.

These impacts remind us that divorce is never just a legal process - it is a human process.

What the Law Says

The Children’s Act places children at the centre of every decision. Major choices (such as whether a child should attend therapy) must always be made in the child’s best interests. Importantly, the Act requires that a child’s views and wishes be heard and considered, depending on their age and maturity.

If parents cannot agree on therapy, the courts may intervene, often relying on expert input from psychologists or therapists, as well as the child’s own voice. Increasingly, our courts recognise that legal processes involving children must be child-centred, and expert reports play a vital role in shaping fair, balanced parenting plans.

Why Therapy Early On Matters

Therapy is not about labelling children - it is about giving them tools, space, and reassurance. It can:

• Correct misunderstandings – children learn that the divorce is not their fault;

• Provide a safe space where a neutral, trusted adult listens to their feelings;

• Teach coping skills, resilience, healthy expression of emotions, and managing change;

• Improve family communication; and

• Prevent long-term harm by reducing risks of later mental health, school, and social difficulties.

Early intervention can transform how a child processes the divorce and turn trauma into resilience.

Barriers Families Face

We acknowledge that there are real challenges:

• Parents may not agree; 

• Therapy may feel financially out of reach;

• Misconceptions remain—some believe “children will be fine on their own”; or

• Families may only seek help when problems have already become severe.

Part of our role as family lawyers is to educate, normalise, and support parents in overcoming these barriers.

What Families and Practitioners Can Do

When guiding parents, we remind them that a settlement agreement or court order is only part of the story. Children’s emotional needs must be prioritised.

Practical steps include incorporating therapy into parenting plans and divorce agreements, encouraging children to voice their feelings (in age-appropriate ways) and reassuring them they are not responsible for the separation.

A Call to Action

Divorce will always be complex, but as legal professionals we share a responsibility to protect the most vulnerable. Therapy should not be seen as optional. It should be normalised, encouraged, and where necessary, ordered by our courts.

At Gittins Attorneys, we believe our duty extends beyond resolving disputes. It extends to helping families heal. By embracing therapy as part of the divorce process, we give children the best chance to move forward with strength, understanding, and hope.